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4/02/2007

The NEWS IS WRONG: Hillary Did NOT Win Fundraising Race



Yes Hillary Clinton has indeed got $26 million bucks. Thats what the news says. That part is correct.

What they DO NOT say is that Hillary got most of her money in $4600 slices, or $2300 for primaries and $2300 for general election. This is because she has opted out of receiving federal funds for the general election, which legally allows her to raise money for both the primaries and the general election.

So who REALLY won the fundraising race? Barack Obama did.

Barack Obama has raised 20 million bucks FOR THE PRIMARIES ALONE. Obama has not yet decided whether or not to accept federal funds for the general election. Which means he is currently limited to $2300 per donor. Which means more people are giving him money that they are giving Clinton.

I'm sure Hillary's camp knows this hidden detail that the news outlets have failed to mention. I'm sure they are shaking in their boots or high heels.

Analysts expected Hillary to raise 30-35 million bucks. She didn't make that cut. Analysts expected Obama to raise 15-20 million bucks. He already got 20 million bucks.

So it is very clear that Mr. Barack Obama is rising at an extraordinary rate, and the look on Hillary's face when he finally overtakes her will be really really priceless!

4/01/2007

Hillary Clinton Drops Out of the Race

In one of the most shocking news of the 2008 presidential campaigns, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, has just announced in a press conference a few minutes ago, that she is dropping out of the race.

For a woman with so much ambition and drive, this must have been a very difficult decision to make.

At first she would not specify the reasons for dropping out, simply saying they were "personal." But after repeated questions from reporters...Hillary Clinton, the iron-willed woman, broke down.

"I've had enough! It's too much! I worked so hard for this!!! I became a senator for 6 years...just so I can have this chance! And now...some some....inexperienced upstart from nowhere is gaining on me! My staff tell me he will overtake my lead in 2 months! 2 months!" Senator Clinton blurted out.

"Not only that...my husband...if I can even call him that, is back to his stupid old tricks again. I have begged him to keep to keep..."Bill Junior" under control at least until after the elections! But no! Last night..he...he...and one of MY interns, they....." Mrs. Clinton was unable to finish that sentence. But it clearly appears that good old Bill is back to putting his "cigar" where it doesn't belong. This is a huge embarrassment for Senator Clinton. It is rumored that this is what really prompted her decision to quit rather than Mr. Obama's rising popularity.

When asked to comment on this shocking news Mr. Obama was conciliatory. "I feel for Senator Clinton. A presidential campaign is not for everyone. And I don't believe it was my gaining on her at the polls that caused her to quit. No, she got more guts than that. I believe its all because of what Bill is doing, sticking his pecker all over the place...embarrassing his wife instead of supporting her." Mr. Obama said.

Asked if he will consider Hillary as his Vice President, he said "Senator Clinton will make an excellent Vice President. My people are already in contact with her people regarding this issue. I have also asked my people to refer her to a very good divorce attorney. Once Bill is out of her life, I'm sure she will become an excellent vice president for me."

Meanwhile Hillary's camp has remained silent to the press regarding this generous offer from former rival Barack Obama. When pressed about it, they simply said "Look guys, it's been a stressful day. And for crying out loud it's Sunday, April 1st. Can't you guys wait till Monday April 2nd to bug us about this stuff?"